Jumping Frogs

We went to the fair last weekend. the boys went on lots of rides, eah costing a bloody fortune, but I'm not going to complain, we had a good time, and that's the main thing. I had a go on the Flipping Frogs onto the lilly pads thing. So did my wife, (She won a soft toy!) and my wife's freind also had a go, but like me, didn't win anything.

Anyway. The two ladies fired off first, and both were pathetic, the frogs barely left the catapult, plopping harmlessly just the other side of the counter - Not going anywhere near the spinny, carousel type device with the spalshing water fountain. I figured, that these catapults therefore needed a bit of a hefty whack with the rubber mallet, because surely the girls wouldn't have started with such a pathetic feeble hit, not BOTH of them!!

I was of course wrong!.......

I lined up, and brought the mallet down with a mighty smack. It is probably at this point I should issue the following warning:

Before bringing the mallet down onto the catapult, ensure that your non-hammer holding hand is not in line with either the trajectory of the mallet, or under the catapult.

I'm surprised that warning sign was not clearly displayed on the stall - Perhaps I ought to sue?

However, apart from hurting my fingers, I did manage to hit the catapult right on the button, with a fair amount of force. Had my suspicion that the catapults were fairly stiff been correct, then I'm sure it would have been a very good shot, landing right in the middle of the lilly pads. that was not to be the case though. the frog sailed through the air, to the far side of the stall, and hit a woman who was just setting up her own frogs.

My remaining shots were better!

Scary Duck..... You have a LOT to answer to!!!!

Well. Almost half a year has passed, and I have not updated my Blog. I was inspired to do so by reading Scary Duck's account of masturbation to order, and it reminded me of a rather unpleasant story of much muckiness that I feel compelled to share.I did however forget my user name and password since my last visit, and have had a bit of a job tracking it all down again.... But here I am.I guess I had better start at the beginning, always a good place to start, although whether it helps explain the story any I don’t know. I lived in a rented house with some fellow biker mates, conditions were almost bordering on squat, but not quite! Anyway, we had a bit of a dispute with somebody, and were seeking a form of unpleasant revenge. (I won't mention any names!)
Our form of revenge was to fill up a container, as best we could with a very specific male bodily fluid. that, then to be preserved for a period of months and deposited in aforementioned victims drink......

PLEASE NOTE. If you are weak of stomach, you have probably read too far already, and should STOP reading immediatley!

The plan was set in motion, and we took the container to our respective rooms in turn. Said container being a glass from our drinks cabinet. I was third in line, so by the time the glass got back downstairs to me, from my giggling house mates, it had a reasonable content. I took it upstairs, shut myself in my room, and started my important duty. Unfortunately, independent hand control went out of the window at the crucial moment, and the hand that was holding the glass in position had a sudden, unexpected spasm. the result of this spasm, was that the glass became momentarily unsupported. In an upright position, this may not have been so much of a problem.....BUT, at the acute angle I was holding it, combined with my weight on the bed, the glass tipped my way. And instead of me depositing my contents in the glass....Well I don't need to explain that bit.

My sheet and mattress were severely dampened as was my leg and left buttock. NOT Pleasant, especially armed with the knowledge that what I had just spilt on myself was not the product of my own loins!

We decided thereafter that each keeping our own deposits would be preferable, combining them only in the final stages. As it turned out, when the several months was over. The smell of our little collection was so ghastly, that we decided that whatever crime had been committed against us in the first place would never be serious enough to warrant this, so the idea was shelved and our weapon destroyed.

Jealousy is an UGLY word..

The Motorcycle Diary


.....But today I am indeed jealous! But, I'm happy on the other hand too.

Here is a picture of my old BSA..... Looks pretty cool! - that is not how it looked a couple of months ago though when I sold it. This would be a wonderful bike to own and ride. At least I know it has gone to a good home, and is being cherished in the way that it should......

.....This is how the bike left me. A bare, stripped frame, and everything else in various boxes and baskets. I've had it for years, and never got round to re-building it. Now I sort of regret it.... Especially as the weather has turned at last, and a ride to work would have been a joy.




Oh, well, maybe one day?

The Daily Grind

If you've been reading my BLOG for some time.....and have now realised that I'm back and contributing again but that's another story....

You may recall my horrendous attempts at ridding my garden of bind weed, and in the process destroying a lot of very well established shrubs!!! The patch of land that I obliterated was about 40 ft by 10ft - (and a bit more if truth be known!) we have decided to cut this back and turn it into an extension of the lawn, more play space for the boys.

First step I had to make was to bring the level down to the same as the lawn. I had to dig out about a foot of soil over the whole area to do this, and belive me, it may not sound a lot.... But it bloody well is! Now, I'm no gardening expert, as you have probably already established, and to me dirt is dirt. I didn't know that all the earth I had removed was top-soil, and that the crappy lighter brown stuff underneath is next to useless for growing on..... This, I was advised of, after I had wheeled umpteen tons of the stuff out of my garden and dumped it behind some trees. So, after wheeling it all away, I had to go back, sieve it, taking out all the stones, of which there are lots and lots, and bring it back again.

I have spent the day doing this, and have now sown a load of grass seed, pressed it, raked it, scattered on more to soil, and pressed it again - (only to discover that the topsoil is actually very sticky, and most of it ended up stuck to my shoes. Fortunatley I discovered this before I went back in the house, as that would have created a whole nother story!!!!!!)

I also watered it in, but had to do it with a watering can due to the hosepipe ban that is currently in force.




there.....Now wasn't that interesting?

PS -If you're here looking for my attempts at Illustration Friday. You need to look in The Little Shop Of Horrors.




The Art Project
You'll find this over in the Little Shop of Horrors.

Music
Currently back into 1950's! Rockabilly and Rock'n'Roll Jive.

The Motorcycle Diary

ALL motorcycles now SOLD. end of a chapter.....end of an ERA!

The Art Project
I'm considering taking up on the Illustration Friday thing. I've been doing a few ATCs - (Artist Trading Cards)... I must find something to do to get me out of this un-creative rut!

I am once again obsessed

My Current Obsession

I am working hard on this novel writing idea - as a result - (added to the fact that I have met so many of my old freinds over on MySpace), I am unlikely to update this Blog on a regular basis.

The novel currently stands at just over 4,500 words - So, a long way to go yet. But, it's taking shape, gradually.

I've enjoyed meeting everyone that I have here, and will of course make regularish visits to read through soem of the updates.

all the best to all

Jayster

Soul Legend passes away!

Music
I just read today that Soul legend Wilson Picket passed away - Very sad news indeed. He was probably one of the Soul names that EVERYBODY knows - whether into 60's music or not. - so close on the heels of Lou Rawls too!
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/4630184.stm

The Novel - The Soulville Project - and continuation of NY Resolutions.

Today’s post is going to be brief. Busy at work –with work….. also my other projects are blossoming, and starting to become time consuming.

1 – The Novel – I have now put over 2,000 words together, and although it is still mostly a load of old rubbish, it is starting to take shape.. Still a shed load of work to do, so don’t anybody hold their breath!

2 – Soulville – I have just received the first completed questionnaire, and although the responses do not help me in my original pursuit of knowledge regarding my own record collection – (a small and insignificant project, I think you’ll agree) – it has opened my eyes to a much wider issue. That being the interest and appreciation of music as a whole by the population from every genre, by a diverse audience from the youth of today, through to older, dedicated music specialists…… I haven’t explained that very well at all. Mainly because I am still thinking about it as I write, and the thoughts are spilling out onto the keyboard.

For the project to meet it’s criteria, I am going to have to enlist the aid of one or more National magazines, but more than that I cannot say at this stage – as and when anything progresses on this, I will of course post details.

I once had a dream about launching a record company…. I’ve done that – Then I had a dream about running a successful magazine, which I also achieved – THIS is my new dream – (that and the novel of course) – Both of which will be brought into reality in the fullness of time


Still clean shaven……So that part of my New Years Resoltion is still intact – ALSO – I have not bought nay new records. The Howard Peters single arrived safe and sound from Dubai today, and I’m still waiting for a single to arrive from America, which I actually bought in the summer last year – but events intervened to slow everything down – All’s going well though. Once that materializes – That Is It…..!!!!

Technology SO simple - A Two year old could use it!

The Daily Grind
Well – that’s all good and well, but is it something we really want?

We have just bought a new washing machine -I’m not going into all the ins and outs of that story, it’s already well documented over the past 3 months, being involved with the flooded kitchen floor and so forth! If you’ve been a regular reader of this Blog, you already know the background. Anyway, we have this new washing machine, and it’s wonderful. Things that I never thought would be clean again are indeed clean again!!!! – And it has technology so simple that even a two year old can use it. This is indeed true, as our ‘not quite’ two year old has proven on more than one occasion……. But is this simple technology something we really want? – It’s all very well, him being able to twiddle the knobs and turn it on, set the wash cycle, alter the heat settings and select whether the load consists of ultra dirty hard wearing denim, or very delicate woollens – (Even apparently mid cycle!). Now, that’s all good and well, but let’s be honest. How many 2 year olds do you know that really know that you should separate red underwear from white shirts. That mohair jumpers do not go in the same load as greasy, oil stained jeans, or even know that you can’t substitute Persil washing Powder for Ready Brek? – Not many would be my guess – so perhaps the next leap forward in technology should be - Technology so advanced, a Two year old CAN’T use it!

On a completley different subject, I started to write the book last night. I managed a good 1,000 words - All of which are shit.....Well, actually, the words themselves are OK, it's the way I've thrown them all together that needs work!

New Years Resolutions

Thought For The Day

1 – Try to stay clean shaven
2 – Cut down on record buying
3 – Write a short story or start a novel
4 – Be more tidy at home and at work

So I can’t stop smoking or drinking really, as I don’t do either…. OK so I drink a little, but hardly enough to make it a worthwhile resolution!. The resolutions I’m attempting are all going to be pretty hard for me to keep, but I will try. The idea of writing something is coming on stronger at the moment.

Last night I was unable to sleep until the early hours, due to the fact that words, paragraphs, even whole chapters were coming into my head, then drifting away to burst like soap bubbles in a spectactular flurry of nothingness. If only I had some sort of device that I could connect up to my head so that I could dictate my thoughts into a word document instead of writing, or even dictating. I lie in bed and everything comes together in a form that (at least ) I think is a perfectly worded storyline. My style of writing is much like my style of talking – some people like that, some don’t. I’ve certainly read books, proper published books that are more sloppily written – so we’ll see.

2- Record buying. OK, now here’s a toughie! – I am a true addict, and perhaps by admitting that then I’m halfway through the problem, even as I write this. I’m writing out a cheque for £25 for a record that I said I would buy before Christmas – (It’s OK, I haven’t welched on a deal. – I did say from the outset that I could not pay for it until after Christmas.) – BUT, I’m going to try to make that the last one for a while

IN OTHER NEWS

I need to change some of my BLOG. I’m no longer keeping the MOTORCYCLE DIARY, as I have sold the last of my ‘good’ bikes, and only have an old Honda 125 to get rid of now. I’m unlikely to do anything with regards to an ART PROJECT, unless I do manage to start writing more than a BLOG. I'm sure there are other changes as well - It is bound to evolve during the coming year. Perhaps if I'm giving up the record buying I can dedicate more time to the Blog and to MySpace. - We'll see.

Merry Christmas and Thank-you ARGOS very f***ing much!

Christmas Day was going well. First thing in the morning (read this as about 6.00am, so we had a bit of a lie in!) The boys came in with their stockings to open the presents that Santa brought. Then, downstairs to open a few of the other presents from relatives, breakfast and so forth. So far everything is going fine – Even up to the point where the boys were just starting to get agitated about opening the rest of their presents, when lo and behold Grandma and Grandad arrive. Next it’s Christmas Dinner, and Mrs Jayster had done a wonderful job. The beef and vegetables were perfect, and even though, being a vegetarian, she wasn’t able to sample it herself, it was all done to perfection – Then we could all go and open the rest of the presents – adults and children alike.

Now, at this point I have to back track in time a little – Mrs Jayster wanted a new wedding ring for Christmas. Not an expensive ring, nothing grand, just a simple band to replace the original one which unfortunately had some sort of chemical reaction to her finger which swelled and hurt - so she couldn’t wear it much. The ring she wanted was in Argos, she had seen it, been in, tried it on and had the size written down. All Jayster has to do, is go in, tell them what he wants, pay for it and pick it up. Simple! Everything went OK – OH, except that the store I drove to didn’t have the right size in stock, and wouldn’t have one until after Christmas. However, help was at hand, the store in the town centre did have one, and they would put it on reserve for me. I ran out of time that lunchtime though, so would have to get on the bus the next lunchtime to pick it up – No problem. Next day was a bit of a rush, and I only had enough time to dash down to the store, grab the ring, and get back on the last bus to work – PHEW, now that’s a relief. The main present is sorted.

Now, I reisted the urge to look at the ring. I thought it would be a nice surprise for me on Christmas day to see it fresh out of the box. Perhaps, in retrospect, that was not such a bright notion. I carefully wrapped it in a plastic bag from a different shop, hid it inside an oven glove to disguise it, then wrapped it in pretty Christmas paper. Of course Mrs Jayster knew what it was straight away and left it till last. Then opened it to find………Nothing! - - that’s right, nothing. Nothing but an empty ring box. Of course she was quite understandably very, very upset. Almost in tears. I was also pretty damned upset.. I was sure I hadn’t taken it out. But then maybe I had, and put it somewhere else –I couldn’t think where though, and certainly didn’t remember actually seeing the ring in the flesh as it were. Now I’m in a bit of a flat spin, I thought that Mummy and oldest son were playing a trick on me, having hidden the ring, but no, it really was not there. OK – I can’t do anything about it now, and the rest of Christmas day was a little shall we say chillier than the morning! As was Boxing Day. – You see the problem is this. How do you take back something you haven’t actually got? – Fine, Argos have a very consumer friendly policy with regards to returns. If it’s faulty, unsuitable, broken, scratched etc. they will change it, no questions asked – BUT, can that really stretch to taking back an empty box? – Especially since I couldn’t find the receipt either – (that eventually turned up).

Day after Boxing Day, I phoned the store, to see if by some miraculous turn of events the ring I had bought was still on the shelf – it was a long shot, but it was all I could think of. They would look into it for me, and get back to me the next day. I heard nothing for a couple of days, and thought the worst. Mrs Jayster was still upset, but would not let me just buy another ring. Then we got the call – GOOD NEWS, they were very sorry, but it was a mistake – I had indeed been given the wrong box, and if I would just go into the store I could collect the ring. I was very happy with this result, and collected the ring yesterday…. However, it does still annoy me a little that I wasn’t offered anything by way of compensation for what ultimately put a big downer on this years Christmas!